Poker and life:
So, it's been ages. I don't know who's, reading, but anyone who is thank you <3. Get in touch!
There's a lot to update on. Plenty of good results, a great last month and a lot of lifestyle improvements. Where to start - ooofff. Okay, so, poker:
I have made a lot of breakthrough discoveries with regard to my future in poker. I have let go of the desire to be the best player in the world. It was tough, but I am way more content with where my life is going now, and why. That's the key. WHY.
After working with a performance psychologist and friend, I explore this elusive WHY I live my life the way I do. Why do I work, what motivates me, and what is that conditioned by? When you can lay that out in front of you, it's extremely powerful. It comes from a deep place though. It's at the end of a dark, complicated dungeon that you must fight through, full of old friends, relationships, and memories. So, I figured out my WHY after about 8-10 weeks, and after already thinking I had figured it out. I realised why I work like I do and that I shared less and less in common with a previous version of myself that made decisions out of ego and insecurity with himself.
Q: Why did I want to be the best player in the world at poker?
--"Maybe once I achieve that, I'll be content. Maybe I'll also get the respect of others. Maybe that will free up my time and get me the money I need to live in this world. I'll also be pretty confident and comfortable if that happens, which means I should be able to interact well with everyone I meet in life. I love meeting and socialising with people so that's a huge bonus." (me 2020)
Bullshit. Flaw after flaw in my WHY. The toughest part is that this makes complete sense to the mind. But that's the problem. It's logical, but not true deep down.
So after smashing out something like 15 days straight poker and studying like a beast to achieve the above, I looked at myself in the mirror, literally. I saw a man that was good at poker, and said "yeah, you're pretty good at poker, but are you good at life???"
No. Obviously. Not without deeply answering the why. I prepare for poker, practice, perform, review and then study, and with whatever time left in my day I try to have a life. Now with addictions, and distractions that seem to be dispersed throughout life, there really isn't much time left. But when is enough, enough? When would I stop? When I'm the best in the world? When I have $1,000,000? When I have $100,000? WHY?
Basically, I realised after a good long look in the mirror is that I didn't have an honest plan for my resources. What would my money do? What did I want it to do? I also realised that my life was being dictated by feelings of insecurity of not being enough in this moment - now. I wasn't living. I asked myself if I had $1,000,000 in 5 years, how much would I pay to buy those last 5 years back? I know it would be somewhere around $975,000. But wait, I'm in roughly that position now, if not better. What am I doing?
And so, I realised that I don't need to be the best in the world to be content. I don't share the same principles as the people who I once called role models within poker. The best high-stakes guys I know do not live the life that I want. They don't look happy. They are constantly chasing, and that's what makes them so good. I think they believe deep down that once they achieve what they set out then they will be content. But what do you want? - that feeling of contentment. Poker is just poker. It's not everything - how can it be? It's no wonder I share less and less in common with the people who live their lives as if poker is everything.
So what is poker for you? It's an extremely valuable way of gaining resources. It can provide freedom from a relentlessly capitalist world. It allows my mind to improve it's decision-making process, grow, and realise its own limitations. How do you get good at poker? Either you believe it's everything and get caught up in a self-constructed world of poker, or you realise that I am far more than anything the mind can think of. I exist outside the mind, so I explore that. Then you get closer to your WHY.
So now after many long months, I am playing the best poker of my life, because I have a plan for what I am going to do with getting good at poker. I know what makes me content. I have unrooted feelings of discontent and continue to, rather than try to find answers within external goals. That's what makes poker so much more powerful now. It's not a distraction, it's a means to something hugely important in my life - the next step.
I used to compare myself to other pros in terms of what I can provide for the community of poker, and think that I wasn't at a high enough level yet to do anything. Maybe when I win a 6 figure score, or when I crush an arbitrary ABI (average buy-in) I will be able to offer more value. Bullshit again from the mind.
Every one of my students has benefitted hugely results-wise from me helping them, from what they say. I only have a certain amount of time, so struggle to take on more students, so why don't I make a course to take on students more effectively?
"But don't you have to be PADS to make a successful course?"
There's so much every course I've seen misses out there about fundamentally profitable strategies that are key to becoming a professional, or semi-pro crusher within poker. PADS on PADS for instance glosses over key investment decisions and goes into Postflop theory.
He has no metagame investment decision help. He glosses over ICM as if it was just a minigame of poker rather than the fundamental backbone.
All the poker crushers have ICM as the best part of their game without exception. It's not that there isn't value in the PADS course, but it's so far from optimal value in my opinion for 95% of players, and I know exactly why. Also, do you want the life of PADS? I don't.
So surely if you don't, you should figure out what poker is going to do to improve your lifestyle, rather than try to become somebody who has completely different (and flawed) fundamentals within poker. The key isn't to beat PADS in poker, it's to beat him in life. That's all that matters right?
So, look out for the release of my poker courses over the coming months. The first one, I think will help so many players from beginners to semi-pros, to pros at the start of their careers make more coherent decisions throughout their careers in poker and out.
Also, there are plenty more ideas in the pipeline, but I will keep you posted <3.
Anyone still reading, thank you, lots of love, and please feel free to talk to me. I will love it :). Look after yourselves xx.