Tuesday, March 07, 2023

December 2022

So, where to start? December has been weird. So far, I’ve moved from Mexico back to the UK (just for Christmas and a bit longer), and moved out of living with a close friend and fellow poker player. It kind of feels like a marriage break-up, haha, but without anything going wrong.

I’ve moved back to my hometown, with my mum, which is always strange to come back to, especially over Christmas. Of course, nothing much has changed, which in many ways is good because I love where I’m from and the many people who live there. It’s starting to feel more and more different each year though. I love my friends, but every year now I get a real sense of melancholy when I come back. A “Glory Days” feeling. I’m 26, but I feel like distance, and the way I’ve chosen to live, has killed any chance of past relationships being the same. It’s hard looking at the people you care about and knowing how close you could be - knowing only potential -, but seeing a reality that is very different, where you barely see each other (and have less in common). The old people you love are always there though - I Guess that’s what’s hard.

But, I don’t live a “normal” life. I only realise how different it is when I talk to people who are very much caught in the conventional “wheel” of life. That’s 95% of, loved ones, friends, and strangers. It’s strange to see yourself in those people. I’m the same. I see a parallel life where I’m in exactly their positions, surrounded by the same circles of people who I love, doing the same things, but simultaneously know that my choices don’t allow that life to manifest.

What part is lucky that I’m different? I certainly see myself in them. But there’s another side where I feel I could never be the same; I consistently make different choices from those I have left behind. I can’t figure out what part is luck, and what I have chosen.

Life is starting to feel extremely exciting though. My plans for the future, how to get them, and my current lifestyle is starting to connect together. It’s weird how powerful that is. Once the consistency really clicks too, everything has so much potential. The best part is that you never know your ceiling. In poker, business, consciousness, and relationships. How do you know how good you can be at any one if you really try? If you really find that balance? The Tao. I’ve only ever felt that once, at 17/18, when everything came together in what I wanted to do. On reflection that was the happiest time in my life as an adult.

And it’s coming back. I can feel it. I have bad days, but the pendulum is swinging back to balance and always will (I hope). I also know that I’ve found Tao/balance before. Growth will come -as it is doing - projects will be completed, relationships will be made, strengthened and rekindled,

and I will continue to crush mid-stakes poker. The extent of that success is really unknown, which is the most exciting part of it all.

Poker is calling me because now it serves a clear purpose. I know where it will take me and how I want it to look. I have a plan for growth but don’t need it to work. Life will work if I stay in balance, and if nothing else this year, for the first time I’ve realised poker is not life, it’s just packed with potential. Look around, thank SOMETHING/SOMEONE that you’re alive, and see how you can get good at life. You’ll feel what’s important.

Happy Christmas, and may your 2023 be strong and exciting to live. Thank you to whoever reads this, and as always, please message me with any messages or updates of your lives <3 Lots of love, Dan. Take care xxx